Walking Each Other Home and Celebrating the Journey…

Note from Caitlin of Dose of Wonder - Sheila Dembowski is a retired school librarian who loves spreading kindness and positive news stories through her Substack The Kindness Boomerang newsletter. In a time period where we are inundated with computers, texting, smartphones and multimedia entertainment, it is her hope to remind people of what unites us as human beings – our ability, and our choice, to be kind and compassionate to others, through our words and our actions.

So without further ado…

“When someone you love is gone, it may feel like they’ve left forever…but what if they haven’t? What if they live on…in the stories you share…in the lessons they taught you…and in the love they gave…Hold on to that. Their presence can guide you, even in their absence…”

Ice luminary and photo by my cousin, Chris.

This week I find myself with wandering thoughts and varied emotions, processing something that has never happened to me before…the passing of a sibling.

It seems quite unnatural and surreal. I struggle this week to put words to my feelings and I am not sure whether that is good or not.

I try to stay busy, focusing on my job when I can, spending my personal time playing Words with Friends on my phone, reading different books, watching television, going for walks…but the distractions eventually end and when I am alone with my thoughts, I remember. And it hurts.

But I realize that this is part of grief and I try to embrace it.

So I look at old family photographs. There are only a handful of them where all of my siblings and I are together and now those become even more of a treasure.

There are sixteen years between my brother Joe and myself. I was the baby of the family and I am blessed to have brothers and sisters that are more like parents than siblings. Instead of rivalries, I am blessed with guidance and love from all of them.

This week I find myself holding some of the wooden carvings my brother Joe created that adorn my bookshelves. I marvel at their beauty and I remember a man who didn’t just dream of becoming a successful artist but he made those dreams come true.

There are not many people who can say that…

I remember Joe’s smile and his great sense of humor… His hearty laugh and his ability to make just the perfect comment, filled with just the right combination of wit and charm.

I remember his love and his kindness, along with his ability to not judge others and I realize that my parents are not the only family members I inherited this trait from…

I recall one specific memory of his strong arms holding me and lifting me up and down while I was swinging like a little monkey from them, squealing with laughter. I was probably four or five at the time and he was the most athletic person I knew and at that time he seemed to be the strongest man in the world.

I play music on my stereo and listen to songs from musicians he introduced me to and who have become some of my favorite artists. I play songs from the albums All Things Must Pass by George Harrison, Bob Dylan: Greatest Hits, A Night at the Opera by Queen, Revolver by The Beatles and Double Fantasy by John Lennon and Yoko Ono (but I skip the Yoko songs and smile when I do it, just as he would…)

All of the conversations…I remember those fondly. There is nothing like a “Connors Conversation” - politics, sports, current events…no topic was left off the table and I loved every one of those interactions.

My brother was also blessed with a wonderful wife of 50 years, who is like a sister to me. I admired their love and commitment to each other and their family.

And amongst all the reminiscing I stop and count my blessings for all of the people in my life who have reached out to check on me when they heard of Joe’s passing. At times like this, kind words and thoughtful gestures are so needed and so appreciated.

For in the end, as the saying goes, we are just walking each other home…We are all companions on life's journey....so as we travel together, we need to bring along kindness, compassion, empathy, acceptance, patience, a caring spirit, humor, laughter, and gratitude ...right?

And what better way is there to keep the memory of someone we love alive thn by being the things you loved most about them…

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Thanks so much to Sheila for being a guest on Dose of Wonder and sharing her story and experience with us here. And don’t forget to check out her Substack The Kindness Boomerang Newsletter below (or here if viewing on the app and you don’t see a link below).

And if you found this article helpful, please share it with others you think it might resonate with.