Forget the Gurus: You Already Know The Way

There’s a strange kind of pressure that settles on your shoulders when you wander into the self-help aisle—or its digital equivalent, the endless scroll of Instagram and other social media “experts” and the ubiquitous motivational podcasts.

It all subtly whispers that you're not doing enough, not dreaming big enough, not meditating at sunrise with a green juice in hand. Even if they might be feeling supportive - like angels on our shoulders.

But not everything is meant for us. It’s not all one size fits all.

I’ve been there. I’ve downloaded the ebooks, watched the webinars, listened to the podcasts, filled in the worksheets in neat little boxes. I’ve tried to hustle, to do XYZ, to rewire my brain in order to be the best version of myself.

And in the end, all I felt was…aimless. Drifting. Like I was putting on some ill-fitting second hand clothes. Like I was chasing someone else’s idea of success while my own dreams sat quietly in the corner, waiting for me to come home.

Here’s the thing they don’t tell you:

most of the time, you already know.

You already know what feels good. What sparks that small wild light in your chest. You already know when you’re pretending to be someone you’re not. And you already know when the advice you’re following is designed for a life you don’t even want, or one that’s not meant for you.

Yes, the gurus and experts are helpful to light the way along your own unique path. To bring the start line into focus. But through trial and error. We don’t need to gobble up everything that we’re offered, everything that’s out there, leaving nothing on our plates.

There’s a soft rebellion in choosing your own way.

It doesn’t always look glamorous—it might be slow mornings with coffee and an old notebook instead of a five-year business plan. It might be long walks without earbuds letting your thoughts drift like smoke through the trees. My default is earbuds in, podcast on, but radically, I chose to do this just the other day and it was a breath of fresh air.

It might be making something with your hands, even if it’s imperfect (especially if it’s imperfect!). This is something else that the so-called gurus seem to be telling us to be, even if they don’t outright say it - perfection. Using my hands to create - whether that’s crafting, gardening or writing - really grounds me, calms me, puts me into some sort of zone where my mind shuts off (which is actually called the Default Mode Network).

The self-help world will tell you to fix yourself, to optimize, to turn your life into a productivity machine. But I believe in honouring your mess.

After gorging myself on podcasts and self help books over the last decade, I’ve come to realize that I believe in gentleness, in curiosity, in not needing to be a brand (but still hoping that my words might help others, even just a tiny bit).

What if your path is a crooked one?

What if you take the long way through the woods, and it turns out to be exactly right?

What if the person you’re becoming is someone quieter, softer, but infinitely more real?

That's what I'm aiming for now. Not loudly proclaiming that the way to be is this because so-and-so said on their uber-popular podcast, or in their massive series of books.

Yes, I still listen to my podcasts and read the books. But I don’t take everything they say to heart. I don’t put the whole thing on like an outfit, trying to become someone I’m not. I take what I want, leave what I don’t — what doesn’t fit who I am — or who I am trying to become. Deep down, I already know the way. I might just need a few little signposts to keep me on the right path. My right path. Not yours, or anyone else’s.

I think there’s a deep wisdom in choosing not to follow the crowd. In trusting that your weird little heart knows where it’s going and knows what it wants. That your life doesn’t need to be a project—it can be an unfolding. A slow blooming.

A story only you can write.

That's why we're all here, after all, isn't it? That’s the crux of it.

It’s our own stories. Not putting on someone else’s ill-fitting skin and pretending it’s the new us, when it’s probably obvious to others, if not ourselves, that it isn’t really working.

So take a moment to really listen to that soft inner voice you might be drowning out as you barrel your way head first, eyes blinkered, through self-help land. Listen to what they're saying. What they want. What they need. Not what others are telling you that you need to do.

So ignore the gurus. Unsubscribe (oh, the weight that is released when you unsubscribe from so many people telling you what you should do!). Let those worksheets gather dust.

You’re not broken. You’re not behind. You’re just becoming.

And you’re doing it beautifully.

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