The Psychology of Treats: Why We Bribe Ourselves with Little Joys

Psychology Meets Wonder #5 of 15

“Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart.” — A.A. Milne

It starts innocently enough: If I just make it through today, I’ll get a little treat (also Instagram videos of your fave cafes and their yummy treats bombarding you seemingly 24/7 doesn’t help this, right?)

Maybe it’s a fancy coffee, a new book, a scroll through cute dog videos, or the-for-no-reason trip to the bakery on a Tuesday (for me, it’ll be today to try a local coffee shops new seasonal peach cobbler cookie!). The treat doesn’t have to be big — that’s not the point. What matters is that it feels like a reward for simply getting through. Life, am I right?

It’s easy to dismiss treats as indulgent or frivolous. But beneath the memes and jokes about “little treat culture,” (that I hadn’t heard of ‘til a few weeks ago – though of course it’s nothing new, just the naming of it is) something deeper is going on and Psychology has a lot to say about why we reach for those tiny pleasures and what they’re really doing for our tired minds.

Let’s take a bite out of this topic (see what I did there?), shall we?

The Brain Likes Balance

Your brain is constantly weighing up everything – risk management – the balance of cost and reward — which is a survival mechanism designed to conserve energy and avoid risk. In modern life, though, this is skewed. We don’t face the same risks and challenges as we used to and the “costs” of daily life often feel never ending (emails, emotional labour, existential dread), while the rewards are… well, harder to visualize and hang onto. That’s where treating ourselves comes in. Small treats act as micro-rewards: signals to your nervous system that the effort you’ve put in is worth it. They’re especially important when the payoff for your bigger work is far away (like finishing a degree) or abstract (like emotional caregiving). A treat becomes a tangible way of saying: “Good job! Keep going.”

This is not a failure of discipline. It’s a modern day act of self-preservation.

The Self-Soothing Science of Treats

As I said in my last article on the subject (The Comfort (and Caution) of Little Treats) even small treats can trigger a release of dopamine, the brain’s happiness chemical. That means they don’t just feel good; they help us keep moving. They provide a brief but powerful burst of something the nervous system craves: safety, pleasure, relief, novelty, or a sense of control.

This is especially true and important for people dealing with chronic stress, burnout, or trauma — states where the future feels unattainable and the present feels like a weighted blanket on us (and not in a good way). In those moments, a treat isn’t just a a spur of the moment reward, it’s a coping mechanism.

That fancy yummy-filled cube croissant? It’s a breadcrumb back to joy.

When Treats Become Substitutes

And we should remember that not all treats are created equal — and not all forms of treating ourselves are actually nourishing and nurturing. Sometimes what we call “treats” are actually distractions, or even ways we override our own needs, like over-spending to feel in control; over-consuming to feel comfort; numbing to avoid pain.

The line between self care and self-soothing or coping can be blurry sometimes. One helps you feel more like yourself. The other helps you avoid yourself. There’s no shame in either way, do what you need to do at the time, but you should realize the difference.

So What Are You Really Treating?

Here’s something we need to remind ourselves: behind every treat is a need. The treat is filling some void – maybe it’s fatigue, or discomfort or trying to fix something broken. So next time you reach for (insert your fave treat here), pause and ask:

What am I hoping this treat will do for me? What part of me is tired, hurting, or hungry for comfort? What would feel like a truly kind gesture right now?

Sometimes, the treat isn’t the chocolate, it’s 5 minutes of peace and quiet.

Sometimes, it’s not binging Netflix — it’s the need to not be needed.

Sometimes, it’s not the iced extra caramel latte — it’s the feeling of being cared for, even if by yourself.

Soft Reflection prompts

- What’s your go-to “little treat”? How does it make you feel — before, during, and after? (me? It’s cheese ‘n crackers a lot of the time)

- When in your life have treats meant more than just pleasure? (me: when I use them as a reward for some big accomplishment)

- Are your treats life-affirming or numbing right now? What’s the difference, for you? (me: they’re for getting me through the work day - or as fuel for my running!)

- If your heart could speak, what would it say it truly needs?

- What would it look like to treat yourself like someone you deeply love?

There is wisdom in your craving for these ‘treats’ and in the way you offer yourself them — especially when life is heavy. So keep the treat because you earned it. Don’t apologize for needing sweetness in a bitter world. But every so often, ask:

What would feel even more like what I really need right now?

Your joy doesn’t have to be earned. Sometimes, surviving is enough reason.

I’m here with you, one little joy at a time,

Caitlin

If this letter found you at the right time, feel free to share it with someone else who might need a little wonder today.

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With heartfelt thanks, always.
— Caitlin

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