I am totally here with you on this. I'm 42 and don't have many of the things I thought I'd have. And I have so many questions for myself, around whether splitting my time across multiple passions is better than focusing on one thing, and whether I'd be "further along" if I'd done things differently. And I switch between wanting and expectating more, and being grateful for what I do have. There's no easy answer!
oh gosh - you don't know how much better it feels to know I'm not alone in this! Exactly to everything you're saying here...yes. there is that push and pull between wanting/expecting more and being grateful for everything you do have...it's definitely not easy. It seems that being in our 40s leads to a lot of questioning life! lol not in a mid-life crisis way, I don't think, just in a good 'ol questioning way...
Totally understand the feelings in this post. 45/46 must be the age where we question life, our lists and the comparisons we inevitably make. I am just learning to be comfortable in who and where I am now, and accepting what makes me happy might not be for everyone, but that is enough. Thanks for sharing x
Ah, everyday something reminds me that my heart is broken and it is my children that are doing it. I can't imagine not ever feeling some way about it everyday. Thank god for therapy! I just keep turning to love and compassion, while I feel the pain.
Wow Caitlin, this is a conversation I've had with myself many times. (Pesky little inner critic and comparitive gremlin.) It's never a competition but everyone's lives are kind of smushed into our faces with social media so it's hard not to peer over the fence at what others have done or are doing. I think I'll try your list idea though. It seems like a nice way to remind me of all the wonderful experiences I've been able to have (so far)!
I'm so glad i'm not alone with the pesky inner critic and comparative gremlin (love that!). And yes, I love that imagery and it's so true - that everyone's lives are kinda smushed into our faces so it's hard to ignore what other people are doing/accomplishing. I wonder if imposter syndrome, which I guess is what I'm talking about to some degree, would be if we didn't have social media! hmmm. Thanks for reading (and commenting!).
Thanks for the reminder that our individual paths do not need "check boxes" that society seems to create for us...Instead each of our paths are unique and beautiful...each in their own way...
Oh boy, I do compare where I am and what I have accomplished with what others have. I am a failure when I do that.
I used to think how I chose to raise my kids was my greatest accomplishment. I was educated as a parent and kept up with parenting classes for different phases. Now my grown children have rejected me and I am without family in my life. So, I think children are overrated as adults. They aren't very nice to me.
I have not been a perfect person but I have a good heart. I have apologized and changed what caused the chaos, which was after they were grown up.
I have made some destructive decisions in my life, although I don't do that anymore, I know now that I am worth better. I take care of myself today. I am sad that I am not being forgiven. What I am trying to do is have compassion for them as an antidote to the pain in my heart.
I read something like this this morning; "you do you, I'll keep on doing me." That's how I'm feeling today. I am detaching with love to protect myself.
I'm so sorry your children have rejected you, despite being a dedicated parent. And i'm sorry you're not being forgiven by them despite making changes, but it sounds like you've done what you can - it's on them now...and that's so great that you have compassion for them and how they are right now. And I love that - you do you, I'll keep on doing me. I think that is helpful to remind yourself and so you can detach with love to protect yourself. You can't change others unless they are ready/want to change (and even then, it's still up to them in the end, not you). Sending you big hugs! I'm sorry if this article brought up old wounds and raw feelings...
I am totally here with you on this. I'm 42 and don't have many of the things I thought I'd have. And I have so many questions for myself, around whether splitting my time across multiple passions is better than focusing on one thing, and whether I'd be "further along" if I'd done things differently. And I switch between wanting and expectating more, and being grateful for what I do have. There's no easy answer!
oh gosh - you don't know how much better it feels to know I'm not alone in this! Exactly to everything you're saying here...yes. there is that push and pull between wanting/expecting more and being grateful for everything you do have...it's definitely not easy. It seems that being in our 40s leads to a lot of questioning life! lol not in a mid-life crisis way, I don't think, just in a good 'ol questioning way...
Totally understand the feelings in this post. 45/46 must be the age where we question life, our lists and the comparisons we inevitably make. I am just learning to be comfortable in who and where I am now, and accepting what makes me happy might not be for everyone, but that is enough. Thanks for sharing x
that's such a great perspective - what makes you happy might not be for everyone, but that is enough - I LOVE that!! :)
“Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know before you learned it.” - Maya Angelou
Yes, so true! I forgot about that quote from Maya Angelou - thanks for reminding me!
Thanks so much, Caitlin! You are so sweet!
Ah, everyday something reminds me that my heart is broken and it is my children that are doing it. I can't imagine not ever feeling some way about it everyday. Thank god for therapy! I just keep turning to love and compassion, while I feel the pain.
🤗🫂
Wow Caitlin, this is a conversation I've had with myself many times. (Pesky little inner critic and comparitive gremlin.) It's never a competition but everyone's lives are kind of smushed into our faces with social media so it's hard not to peer over the fence at what others have done or are doing. I think I'll try your list idea though. It seems like a nice way to remind me of all the wonderful experiences I've been able to have (so far)!
I'm so glad i'm not alone with the pesky inner critic and comparative gremlin (love that!). And yes, I love that imagery and it's so true - that everyone's lives are kinda smushed into our faces so it's hard to ignore what other people are doing/accomplishing. I wonder if imposter syndrome, which I guess is what I'm talking about to some degree, would be if we didn't have social media! hmmm. Thanks for reading (and commenting!).
Thanks for the reminder that our individual paths do not need "check boxes" that society seems to create for us...Instead each of our paths are unique and beautiful...each in their own way...
Yes, exactly! It's hard to break out of those societal boxes!
Great reminders to celebrate what is right about our journey instead of how we compare or stack up to expectations!
Thank you! It's something I'm still working on (obviously lol). So difficult!
Oh boy, I do compare where I am and what I have accomplished with what others have. I am a failure when I do that.
I used to think how I chose to raise my kids was my greatest accomplishment. I was educated as a parent and kept up with parenting classes for different phases. Now my grown children have rejected me and I am without family in my life. So, I think children are overrated as adults. They aren't very nice to me.
I have not been a perfect person but I have a good heart. I have apologized and changed what caused the chaos, which was after they were grown up.
I have made some destructive decisions in my life, although I don't do that anymore, I know now that I am worth better. I take care of myself today. I am sad that I am not being forgiven. What I am trying to do is have compassion for them as an antidote to the pain in my heart.
I read something like this this morning; "you do you, I'll keep on doing me." That's how I'm feeling today. I am detaching with love to protect myself.
I'm so sorry your children have rejected you, despite being a dedicated parent. And i'm sorry you're not being forgiven by them despite making changes, but it sounds like you've done what you can - it's on them now...and that's so great that you have compassion for them and how they are right now. And I love that - you do you, I'll keep on doing me. I think that is helpful to remind yourself and so you can detach with love to protect yourself. You can't change others unless they are ready/want to change (and even then, it's still up to them in the end, not you). Sending you big hugs! I'm sorry if this article brought up old wounds and raw feelings...