Such a beautiful post Caitlin. Thank you so much for sharing this vulnerable and loving update about you, your dad and your brother. It’s easy to let visits slide when life stuff happens to us. It sounded like the right time to visit and to be caught up…privately by your own observations and by your dad’s info sharing and foresight. My father lived much longer that he ever could have hoped and that was over 100. I visited him when I could but living 2 hours drive away meant not frequently, but more about every 4-6 weeks and as I was still doing my long drives to and from Sydney for my cancer treatments it would have been too much. Dad, a very practical accountant, along with my accountant brother and teacher me had the updates and talks about dying, death and all things legally tied up 5 years before his death. It still was (and can be) a grief that is hard on me. Weird but true. Dad got his wish to die as his last 3 years were hard living alone…and in some ways my burden was lifted. This was how I felt anyway…for a long time ! Take care, it’s a strange but interesting time of your life..denyse x
Thank you, Denyse. And thanks for sharing. That must have lessened the burden for you and your brother having everything squared away and organized so well in advance before your dad died. But I totally understand how the grief can still be hard, even though your dad lived a long life. Yes living such a distance away can make regular visits challenging! Its about a 3 hour trip all told for me (one way), with getting dropped off at a train station, to taking the train downtown and then walking to the ferry terminal, then the ferry itself etc.
The wonder I have found in aging is wisdom, like they say. After 63, almost 64, years I have found maturity. I have been maturing slower than some and that has caused me problems that I had to solve and learn from myself. I know now that resisting what is, what the reality is, just makes me miserable. Accepting life as it really is, whether I like it or not, changing what I can and letting go of what I can't change is a practice for me.
I really think your dad has found wisdom. He seems in acceptance, I know that brings peace. He also seemed to have decided to do the healthy things that may give you more time here. Great photos too!
I love your essay, Caitlin, which so beautifully describes the mid-life reflections we can (and need to) have. It was also a joy to se your photos – the scenery so familiar, as I live on Salt Spring Island, inside Vancouver Island. – Several of the wonderings your article raised I have written about in my Substack post on July 3rd, "Aging may not be what you think. Agism can muddy the waters." (Writer's Corner) – I am 87 years old, immigrant from Sweden. All my relatives, exept my wonderful daughter, who also lives on SSI, are dead. My husband died 2 years ago. So I am very familiar with death. For me there is nothing morbid (or taboo) in dealing with it, thinking or talking about it. Or living close to it. (I plan to post essays and poems about death later.) In fact, this part of my life is the most joyous, creative, fulfilling phase ever. To be able to look back on a long lifespan, to have that depth perception, to continually harvest insights and grow, to live fully in the moment – WHAT A GIFT. While still around, I have also told my loved ones that I deeply love them. We don't need time to wait, because only the present moment is real. What old age and death will look like depends mostly on one's beliefs, attitudes and perspectives. And those are within one's control, even if circumstances may not be. – I would certainly welcome a dialogue around all this.
Hi! Sorry, I don't know your name! Thanks for commenting. And Saltspring is beautiful! Though I haven't been there in a while. My family (dad, brother, uncle) are all in Nanaimo. Though my brother is moving to Ft St. John's BC! So quite up north. I'm sorry to hear of your husband's passing. Though that is good your daughter also lives on SS. I look forward to reading your upcoming essays and poems on death. And thank you for sharing a bit of your experience with me. It sounds like you're living fully - which is fantastic! I hope to continue to do the same as I venture into older life 😊
As for beliefs on death, I, and my family, are not religious, so don't believe in any sort of afterlife personally (but really,who knows til we get there?!). I do believe our energy/consciousness does continue to exist in some form, somewhere (so I guess that is some form of after life!)
Oh, I forgot to sign my comment, Maria is my name. I have been to Nanaimo a couple of times, years ago, but with my husbands illnesses, dementia among them (I was his caregiver for 8 years), we didn't travel. And a "residue" from a back injury keeps me a bit bound to my walkers :). – I am not religious, conventionally seen. But I believe that energy/consciousness is basic and the same as Existence, or Life, which never dies. For me the afterlife is the same as the before-life, time itself not valid outside the realm of the physical. This also means that I have no issue with death, I don't grieve, my husband's essence is still "reachable" (even more now than when dementia ruled him). Knowing this leaves me free to live fully, love wholeheartedly and grow excitedly. And also, have fun! You see, living fully is a choice and has really nothing to do with age, but a lot with approach and attitudes.
What a blessing that you had the opportunity to spend time with your father. Yes, I remember the first time I saw my mother using a walker - that was when her age hit me.
I do think that we get wiser as we get older! And our older years are the best years of our lives because we've learned from our mistakes when younger and vs old more of our real,authentic selves (who care less about what others think!)
Such a beautiful post Caitlin. Thank you so much for sharing this vulnerable and loving update about you, your dad and your brother. It’s easy to let visits slide when life stuff happens to us. It sounded like the right time to visit and to be caught up…privately by your own observations and by your dad’s info sharing and foresight. My father lived much longer that he ever could have hoped and that was over 100. I visited him when I could but living 2 hours drive away meant not frequently, but more about every 4-6 weeks and as I was still doing my long drives to and from Sydney for my cancer treatments it would have been too much. Dad, a very practical accountant, along with my accountant brother and teacher me had the updates and talks about dying, death and all things legally tied up 5 years before his death. It still was (and can be) a grief that is hard on me. Weird but true. Dad got his wish to die as his last 3 years were hard living alone…and in some ways my burden was lifted. This was how I felt anyway…for a long time ! Take care, it’s a strange but interesting time of your life..denyse x
Thank you, Denyse. And thanks for sharing. That must have lessened the burden for you and your brother having everything squared away and organized so well in advance before your dad died. But I totally understand how the grief can still be hard, even though your dad lived a long life. Yes living such a distance away can make regular visits challenging! Its about a 3 hour trip all told for me (one way), with getting dropped off at a train station, to taking the train downtown and then walking to the ferry terminal, then the ferry itself etc.
The wonder I have found in aging is wisdom, like they say. After 63, almost 64, years I have found maturity. I have been maturing slower than some and that has caused me problems that I had to solve and learn from myself. I know now that resisting what is, what the reality is, just makes me miserable. Accepting life as it really is, whether I like it or not, changing what I can and letting go of what I can't change is a practice for me.
I really think your dad has found wisdom. He seems in acceptance, I know that brings peace. He also seemed to have decided to do the healthy things that may give you more time here. Great photos too!
I love your essay, Caitlin, which so beautifully describes the mid-life reflections we can (and need to) have. It was also a joy to se your photos – the scenery so familiar, as I live on Salt Spring Island, inside Vancouver Island. – Several of the wonderings your article raised I have written about in my Substack post on July 3rd, "Aging may not be what you think. Agism can muddy the waters." (Writer's Corner) – I am 87 years old, immigrant from Sweden. All my relatives, exept my wonderful daughter, who also lives on SSI, are dead. My husband died 2 years ago. So I am very familiar with death. For me there is nothing morbid (or taboo) in dealing with it, thinking or talking about it. Or living close to it. (I plan to post essays and poems about death later.) In fact, this part of my life is the most joyous, creative, fulfilling phase ever. To be able to look back on a long lifespan, to have that depth perception, to continually harvest insights and grow, to live fully in the moment – WHAT A GIFT. While still around, I have also told my loved ones that I deeply love them. We don't need time to wait, because only the present moment is real. What old age and death will look like depends mostly on one's beliefs, attitudes and perspectives. And those are within one's control, even if circumstances may not be. – I would certainly welcome a dialogue around all this.
Hi! Sorry, I don't know your name! Thanks for commenting. And Saltspring is beautiful! Though I haven't been there in a while. My family (dad, brother, uncle) are all in Nanaimo. Though my brother is moving to Ft St. John's BC! So quite up north. I'm sorry to hear of your husband's passing. Though that is good your daughter also lives on SS. I look forward to reading your upcoming essays and poems on death. And thank you for sharing a bit of your experience with me. It sounds like you're living fully - which is fantastic! I hope to continue to do the same as I venture into older life 😊
As for beliefs on death, I, and my family, are not religious, so don't believe in any sort of afterlife personally (but really,who knows til we get there?!). I do believe our energy/consciousness does continue to exist in some form, somewhere (so I guess that is some form of after life!)
Oh, I forgot to sign my comment, Maria is my name. I have been to Nanaimo a couple of times, years ago, but with my husbands illnesses, dementia among them (I was his caregiver for 8 years), we didn't travel. And a "residue" from a back injury keeps me a bit bound to my walkers :). – I am not religious, conventionally seen. But I believe that energy/consciousness is basic and the same as Existence, or Life, which never dies. For me the afterlife is the same as the before-life, time itself not valid outside the realm of the physical. This also means that I have no issue with death, I don't grieve, my husband's essence is still "reachable" (even more now than when dementia ruled him). Knowing this leaves me free to live fully, love wholeheartedly and grow excitedly. And also, have fun! You see, living fully is a choice and has really nothing to do with age, but a lot with approach and attitudes.
Nice to "meet" you Maria! It seems we have similar philosophies on death re:consciousness/energy
What a blessing that you had the opportunity to spend time with your father. Yes, I remember the first time I saw my mother using a walker - that was when her age hit me.
Thank you! And yes, it's a shock isn't it, when it hits us in such a gut punching way that are parents have aged/are aging
I do think that we get wiser as we get older! And our older years are the best years of our lives because we've learned from our mistakes when younger and vs old more of our real,authentic selves (who care less about what others think!)