As a woman who is childless not by choice, I 100% support all women who decide not to have children. As someone who desperately wanted them and never did, I get unbelievably frustrated with the amount of neglected, abused, and forgotten children in the world. Many women of my mothers generation had children because it was expected of them, not because they actually made a choice to have them. And tell me, how many screwed up adults do we have in the world now?
If you don't want children, for whatever reason, then you shouldn't have them. You are not a bad person. You are a person who has made a well thought out life choice. Good for you, and all women like you. I stand with you in solidarity.
I'm sorry you're childless not by choice 💕. Thank you for standing with me in solidarity and understanding of my choice. And you're so right, so many women of previous generations had children because it was expected societally, not necessarily because they actually wanted them - and potentially lead to children being raised by people who didn't actually want to be parents.
And it is frustrating and so sad that there are so many neglected/abused/forgotten children. Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts! 💖
There's nothing at all wrong with choosing not to have children. Much better than having children you'd prefer not to just to fall in line with social norms. Not that it's anyone else's business anyway. Good for you for recognizing what you want and acting accordingly.
This is refreshing to read, I get frustrated by questions "do you have children" "how many children do you have" "how old are your children" I am child free by choice but sometimes made to feel I have done something wrong by not having children, I always feel uncomfortable answering those questions. Thank you.
Ugh. I HATE all those questions. And we should not made to feel uncomfortable/wrong by our choice not to have kids! It's frustrating society has made us feel that way...but i think the tides are changing, as i said. More people are choosing to be CFBC like us! 😊🤗
I LOVE this post-- I was childless by choice- also came to terms that I wouldn't be able to have them. I was living my life to the fullest, experiencing many things. I honestly believe that my life's happiness was not contingent on wether or not I produced humans.. I felt pressure from family, and friends- and went through all of that silent, and not so silent shaming. Then, my life took a completely different turn at 42... and I ended up getting pregnant, and decided, Ok- I'm going to do this I think? *lol*-- So here I am, on the other side of the coin. I have felt the whole realm of feelings. (of not wanting, to hormones tricking me into maybe thinking I did, to thinking I couldn't, to -- well, here we are). I have so many friends who do not have kids- and only a few who do-- there is never any judgement on either part. People who are doing that? They have some growing to do within themselves, and should really examine where that anger is coming from, instead of casting it out. Our bodies, our choice-- always. For lack of a better phrase, those who judge, can go and kick rocks. <3. You are doing what is right for you- and that takes strength, in a world where society is CONSTANTLY telling us what to do, how to live, etc. etc. Being able to tune in, and hear your own voice outside all that noise is comendable--- <3
Definitely didn't lose a subscriber here! You have every right to your feelings and decisions. Kudos to you for choosing what you know is best for you. Many people don't. I didn't want to have kids either, but I got pregnant right out of high school at 17. At age 48, it's been difficult to deal with that decision at times, especially with the state of the world now. Watching my 29 year old suffer and struggle to take care of her family is hard. So, you keep doing you!!
thank you! :) i’m sorry it’s tough on you seeing your daughter struggle in these challenging times. Since the pandemic it feels like the world has gotten so much more difficult in so many arenas - for all of us! Hugs to you and her <3
A hell yes from a fellow child free by choice woman. 👏🏼 I’ve been meaning to write about this topic at some point too. Times are changing and more women are choosing to be child free and there’s starting to be less stigma attached to that choice.
But still I have also dealt with plenty inappropriate questions and assumptions. From the “who will look after you when you’re old” to the “you will never truly know what unconditional love is”. Ugh! Even the assumption that I will want one of my own just coz I post a photo of me holding my 6 month old nephew. Uh.. no I don’t. I love him but that doesn’t mean I want one myself! 🙄
And then there’s the fact that most of us child free women have thought way more carefully about this decision than most women who pop out babies willy nilly. Anyway.. yes I have lots to say on this!
Good for you for knowing what you don’t want… not everyone is so self-aware. People have or don’t have children for lots of reasons… you are definitely not a bad person for being child free by choice.
I know a number of people who have chosen not to have children and others who are childless not by choice. I am childless ‘sort of not by choice’ (though I have grown stepchildren). I never imagined I wouldn’t be a mother but I was in a very toxic relationship for 9 years into my mid-late 30s and I made a decision to walk away as, though I wanted a child, I did not want to bring it into a family unit of chaos. I knew when I walked away from my relationship that I was likely never to be a natural mother and that was without doubt the best decision I ever made. I am 55, happily married in a calm, loving and fun relationship.
I look at families with children and I do not envy them… one I am past a very fleeting thought of regret and come to my senses. They often look tired, drawn, and downright miserable, weighed down by buggies, bikes, scooters, you name it… and they talk of nothing else but the wonders they have created as if no one has ever given birth before. My biggest annoyance with mothers is when they say to childless women that we cannot possibly know what love is because we do not have our own children…. That really gets me… because there’s no argument that can possibly change their mind… they look at you with that smug pity.
Yes there are some parents that thrive because of their children and I have some good friends that come to mind and they are wonderful people… but parenthood is no picnic even for those that are born to do nothing else but produce offspring… and anyone who says different I believe either is lying or just doesn’t know what their kids are up to behind their backs!
We are all different and that is what makes some of the fantastic colours in this crazy world. Frankly I’d much rather have a dog 😃
I don’t have kids by choice either and have been asked ‘the question’ countless times but I’ve never received any negative responses or reactions …… I think maybe my facial expression scares them into not commenting 😆 There has been a lot squirming though which I rather enjoy!
What I’m finding really offensive these days is that now I’m old enough to have grandkids I’m constantly being asked ‘how many grandkids do you have?’ Very presumptive of them and damn it I’m sure I don’t look old enough!!! 😂
I’ve found it much more irritating than the kids question, they don’t even bother to ask if I’ve got kids to produce the grandkids!
My answer is normally a real conversation killer, I think many have no life other than their grandkids to talk about. Which I think sounds like a truly depressing state of affairs. But hey that’s me. 😀
My mother didn’t have a choice and didn’t want children. She was only 19 and was forced by her parents to marry my father even though they didn’t have intimacy. A poor college student, she had 3 children from failed birth control and women couldn’t even get their own checking account back then
Oh wow. I'm sorry your mom was forced to marry your father by her parents 😔. It's so sad women didn't have much autonomy (if any) back then. At least things are changing now.
Those are great points!! And you shouldn't feel crazy for wanting to be a mother since 18! At least you know you want one and would be a loving mother because it is your own choice to want a child and not just because it's something you think you should do just because you're a woman and CAN. Just because people CAN doesn't mean they SHOULD do something! 😊
As a woman who is childless not by choice, I 100% support all women who decide not to have children. As someone who desperately wanted them and never did, I get unbelievably frustrated with the amount of neglected, abused, and forgotten children in the world. Many women of my mothers generation had children because it was expected of them, not because they actually made a choice to have them. And tell me, how many screwed up adults do we have in the world now?
If you don't want children, for whatever reason, then you shouldn't have them. You are not a bad person. You are a person who has made a well thought out life choice. Good for you, and all women like you. I stand with you in solidarity.
I'm sorry you're childless not by choice 💕. Thank you for standing with me in solidarity and understanding of my choice. And you're so right, so many women of previous generations had children because it was expected societally, not necessarily because they actually wanted them - and potentially lead to children being raised by people who didn't actually want to be parents.
And it is frustrating and so sad that there are so many neglected/abused/forgotten children. Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts! 💖
There's nothing at all wrong with choosing not to have children. Much better than having children you'd prefer not to just to fall in line with social norms. Not that it's anyone else's business anyway. Good for you for recognizing what you want and acting accordingly.
Thank you! Yes, exactly!
This is refreshing to read, I get frustrated by questions "do you have children" "how many children do you have" "how old are your children" I am child free by choice but sometimes made to feel I have done something wrong by not having children, I always feel uncomfortable answering those questions. Thank you.
Ugh. I HATE all those questions. And we should not made to feel uncomfortable/wrong by our choice not to have kids! It's frustrating society has made us feel that way...but i think the tides are changing, as i said. More people are choosing to be CFBC like us! 😊🤗
I LOVE this post-- I was childless by choice- also came to terms that I wouldn't be able to have them. I was living my life to the fullest, experiencing many things. I honestly believe that my life's happiness was not contingent on wether or not I produced humans.. I felt pressure from family, and friends- and went through all of that silent, and not so silent shaming. Then, my life took a completely different turn at 42... and I ended up getting pregnant, and decided, Ok- I'm going to do this I think? *lol*-- So here I am, on the other side of the coin. I have felt the whole realm of feelings. (of not wanting, to hormones tricking me into maybe thinking I did, to thinking I couldn't, to -- well, here we are). I have so many friends who do not have kids- and only a few who do-- there is never any judgement on either part. People who are doing that? They have some growing to do within themselves, and should really examine where that anger is coming from, instead of casting it out. Our bodies, our choice-- always. For lack of a better phrase, those who judge, can go and kick rocks. <3. You are doing what is right for you- and that takes strength, in a world where society is CONSTANTLY telling us what to do, how to live, etc. etc. Being able to tune in, and hear your own voice outside all that noise is comendable--- <3
Thanks for your comment and your thoughts! Wow, sounds like quite the journey you've been on! 💗
Yes, it's a lot to unpack and share! But I'm ready ❤️ this is such a beautiful community...
💖
Definitely didn't lose a subscriber here! You have every right to your feelings and decisions. Kudos to you for choosing what you know is best for you. Many people don't. I didn't want to have kids either, but I got pregnant right out of high school at 17. At age 48, it's been difficult to deal with that decision at times, especially with the state of the world now. Watching my 29 year old suffer and struggle to take care of her family is hard. So, you keep doing you!!
thank you! :) i’m sorry it’s tough on you seeing your daughter struggle in these challenging times. Since the pandemic it feels like the world has gotten so much more difficult in so many arenas - for all of us! Hugs to you and her <3
For sure seems that way! Thank you!
Sounds like some people you've encountered should mind their own business. You do you. Nothing wrong with that at all.
Hope today's a good day.
Thank you!! And yes...why can't people mind their own business?!
A hell yes from a fellow child free by choice woman. 👏🏼 I’ve been meaning to write about this topic at some point too. Times are changing and more women are choosing to be child free and there’s starting to be less stigma attached to that choice.
But still I have also dealt with plenty inappropriate questions and assumptions. From the “who will look after you when you’re old” to the “you will never truly know what unconditional love is”. Ugh! Even the assumption that I will want one of my own just coz I post a photo of me holding my 6 month old nephew. Uh.. no I don’t. I love him but that doesn’t mean I want one myself! 🙄
And then there’s the fact that most of us child free women have thought way more carefully about this decision than most women who pop out babies willy nilly. Anyway.. yes I have lots to say on this!
Yes to ALL of this! 👏🙌
Also ugh to the you'll never know unconditional love. Like WTF?!
Good for you for knowing what you don’t want… not everyone is so self-aware. People have or don’t have children for lots of reasons… you are definitely not a bad person for being child free by choice.
I know a number of people who have chosen not to have children and others who are childless not by choice. I am childless ‘sort of not by choice’ (though I have grown stepchildren). I never imagined I wouldn’t be a mother but I was in a very toxic relationship for 9 years into my mid-late 30s and I made a decision to walk away as, though I wanted a child, I did not want to bring it into a family unit of chaos. I knew when I walked away from my relationship that I was likely never to be a natural mother and that was without doubt the best decision I ever made. I am 55, happily married in a calm, loving and fun relationship.
I look at families with children and I do not envy them… one I am past a very fleeting thought of regret and come to my senses. They often look tired, drawn, and downright miserable, weighed down by buggies, bikes, scooters, you name it… and they talk of nothing else but the wonders they have created as if no one has ever given birth before. My biggest annoyance with mothers is when they say to childless women that we cannot possibly know what love is because we do not have our own children…. That really gets me… because there’s no argument that can possibly change their mind… they look at you with that smug pity.
Yes there are some parents that thrive because of their children and I have some good friends that come to mind and they are wonderful people… but parenthood is no picnic even for those that are born to do nothing else but produce offspring… and anyone who says different I believe either is lying or just doesn’t know what their kids are up to behind their backs!
We are all different and that is what makes some of the fantastic colours in this crazy world. Frankly I’d much rather have a dog 😃
Omg I hate that too when women who are mother's say those of us who don't have kids don't know what love is because we don't have kids!! 😤😠😡
Also im glad you made the right choice for you leaving that toxic relationship 💗
Also dogs are fur angels! 😊
I don’t have kids by choice either and have been asked ‘the question’ countless times but I’ve never received any negative responses or reactions …… I think maybe my facial expression scares them into not commenting 😆 There has been a lot squirming though which I rather enjoy!
What I’m finding really offensive these days is that now I’m old enough to have grandkids I’m constantly being asked ‘how many grandkids do you have?’ Very presumptive of them and damn it I’m sure I don’t look old enough!!! 😂
Ha at your facial expression! Wow that you get asked how many grandkids you have...that would be so irksome and irritating!!!
I’ve found it much more irritating than the kids question, they don’t even bother to ask if I’ve got kids to produce the grandkids!
My answer is normally a real conversation killer, I think many have no life other than their grandkids to talk about. Which I think sounds like a truly depressing state of affairs. But hey that’s me. 😀
My mother didn’t have a choice and didn’t want children. She was only 19 and was forced by her parents to marry my father even though they didn’t have intimacy. A poor college student, she had 3 children from failed birth control and women couldn’t even get their own checking account back then
Oh wow. I'm sorry your mom was forced to marry your father by her parents 😔. It's so sad women didn't have much autonomy (if any) back then. At least things are changing now.
Those are great points!! And you shouldn't feel crazy for wanting to be a mother since 18! At least you know you want one and would be a loving mother because it is your own choice to want a child and not just because it's something you think you should do just because you're a woman and CAN. Just because people CAN doesn't mean they SHOULD do something! 😊