Grief is a deep scar that changes us, reshaping our foundation, leaving an ache that ebbs and flows. But over time, that scar becomes part of who we are, a testament to our endurance. It reminds us of what we’ve loved and lost, and, in its quiet way, it strengthens us, teaching us tenderness, empathy, and resilience. Grief becomes not just something we carry, but something that carries us into deeper, more compassionate ways of living.
Yes, forging! Joy and pain, ease and struggle. These are all intense forces that shape and transform us, like metal in the fire to create something new, something stronger, within ourselves.
Thank you for these. It look me three years to find my way after my mum died...thankfully I knew to ignore the "haven't you got over that?" messages and honour my own journey. And yes - there was not back to normal.. a new reality opened up. Grief is all too easily exiled in our culture.
It took me a good few years to find my way after my mom died too...and I learned a lot along the way of how people react to grief and things people do right (just listen, bring stuff like food instead of saying "i'm here if you need anything" (because you’re so overwhelmed and in a fog you don't know WHAT you need!). And things they do wrong (like turn it around about them - "oh i know EXACTLY how you feel! I lost my cat..). It's so hard to know how to navigate...
Thank you for sharing, Caitlin. It's not necessarily easy, but I believe the more we read, write, and talk about grief, the more we grow to understand how differently we each experience it. I appreciate your exploration here, and your suggestion to show compassion - to others *and* to ourselves!
You're welcome Christi! Thanks for reading! Yes I think the more we talk openly about grief things will change and people will begin to realize that we have to have more compassion and understanding - as i said for others who might be grieving and ourselves (if we are too). We usually forget about ourselves in most aspects of our lives, don't you think? And are usually focused on other people and making sure they are ok!
Thank you for expressing the feelings of grief so accurately and tenderly. I think it’s a shame that the modern way does not allow for acceptable periods of mourning in our culture. Following devastating loss we need time to heal but, as you say, grief and sadness is uncomfortable to be around and the pressure to rapidly return to ‘normal’ is unhelpful and creates even more pain.
Yes! Exactly. So well said. We definitely have a way to go in wrster culture for sure. At least now I'm not embarrassed to cry in public anymore! I have nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about. Crying is natural! Please don't tell me "don't cry" or "don't be sad". Before my mom died she told me "don't be sad". But now (almost 9 years later) I''m like why the F not?!?! Of COURSE I'm going to be sad when someone dies!!
Ok I'll stop there before I head into another rant 😄
I cannnot agree more. Grief lasts a lifetime and it fluctuates. From extremely painful and ever present, to more of a bittersweet ache - it’s not always about losing loved ones either, you can grieve the life you had. Even the life you could have had.
Yes! Exactly! And totally agree that there are other kinds of grief besides death of a loved one - such as job loss or any huge life upset - like you said, grieving a different life path... thanks for sharing your input on this conversation! 😌
Grief is a deep scar that changes us, reshaping our foundation, leaving an ache that ebbs and flows. But over time, that scar becomes part of who we are, a testament to our endurance. It reminds us of what we’ve loved and lost, and, in its quiet way, it strengthens us, teaching us tenderness, empathy, and resilience. Grief becomes not just something we carry, but something that carries us into deeper, more compassionate ways of living.
100%! I love everything you said. I have learned that it's not a negative thing (really), it's a growing experience. A forging experience.
Yes, forging! Joy and pain, ease and struggle. These are all intense forces that shape and transform us, like metal in the fire to create something new, something stronger, within ourselves.
Thank you for these. It look me three years to find my way after my mum died...thankfully I knew to ignore the "haven't you got over that?" messages and honour my own journey. And yes - there was not back to normal.. a new reality opened up. Grief is all too easily exiled in our culture.
It took me a good few years to find my way after my mom died too...and I learned a lot along the way of how people react to grief and things people do right (just listen, bring stuff like food instead of saying "i'm here if you need anything" (because you’re so overwhelmed and in a fog you don't know WHAT you need!). And things they do wrong (like turn it around about them - "oh i know EXACTLY how you feel! I lost my cat..). It's so hard to know how to navigate...
Thank you for sharing, Caitlin. It's not necessarily easy, but I believe the more we read, write, and talk about grief, the more we grow to understand how differently we each experience it. I appreciate your exploration here, and your suggestion to show compassion - to others *and* to ourselves!
You're welcome Christi! Thanks for reading! Yes I think the more we talk openly about grief things will change and people will begin to realize that we have to have more compassion and understanding - as i said for others who might be grieving and ourselves (if we are too). We usually forget about ourselves in most aspects of our lives, don't you think? And are usually focused on other people and making sure they are ok!
Thank you for expressing the feelings of grief so accurately and tenderly. I think it’s a shame that the modern way does not allow for acceptable periods of mourning in our culture. Following devastating loss we need time to heal but, as you say, grief and sadness is uncomfortable to be around and the pressure to rapidly return to ‘normal’ is unhelpful and creates even more pain.
Yes! Exactly. So well said. We definitely have a way to go in wrster culture for sure. At least now I'm not embarrassed to cry in public anymore! I have nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about. Crying is natural! Please don't tell me "don't cry" or "don't be sad". Before my mom died she told me "don't be sad". But now (almost 9 years later) I''m like why the F not?!?! Of COURSE I'm going to be sad when someone dies!!
Ok I'll stop there before I head into another rant 😄
I cannnot agree more. Grief lasts a lifetime and it fluctuates. From extremely painful and ever present, to more of a bittersweet ache - it’s not always about losing loved ones either, you can grieve the life you had. Even the life you could have had.
Thanks for sharing❤️
Yes! Exactly! And totally agree that there are other kinds of grief besides death of a loved one - such as job loss or any huge life upset - like you said, grieving a different life path... thanks for sharing your input on this conversation! 😌