Why Appreciation Might Matter More Than Gratitude Right Now

How noticing what’s good can shift how we feel, connect, and live

Do you ever wonder about things? Stuff like ‘what’s the difference between appreciation and gratitude?’

No? Just me?

Well, that’s just what I was wondering this morning after I said to someone that I appreciate them, so I decided to delve (yes, I said delve and I’m a real human writing this) deeper into the topic of appreciation since gratitude has been a bit flogged to within an inch of its life, it feels. But first I needed some definitions.

According to online dictionaries, appreciation is: “recognition and enjoyment of the good qualities of someone or something.”

Whereas gratitude is: “the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.”

So they’re similar but not quite the same. JaneTaylor.net says: “Gratitude – feeling of being grateful. Appreciation – acting on my feeling of gratitude and showing someone I am grateful”.

Gratitude often feels like a reflective practice. It’s about recognizing what you’re thankful for, especially in hindsight. It can be a habit, a ritual, a mindful practice, like asking yourself: What do I feel grateful for today?

Appreciation, on the other hand, is more about being present and in the moment. It’s noticing and feeling the value or beauty of something while it’s happening, right now. You don’t just register the good after the fact (gratitude)—you savour it.

So gratitude is a kind of in the past reflective thing, whereas appreciation is in the present. Huh. I learned something new today!

You might feel grateful for your home. But you appreciate the way the late afternoon light hits your kitchen table. You’re grateful for a friend. But you appreciate the sound of their laugh in real time. Gratitude is a powerful reflective practice. Appreciation is a powerful experience.
And when you combine the two, life starts to feel more vivid, connected, and alive. Because you’re looking at the big picture and then pinpointing something in it to really savour and appreciate and enjoy.

Here’s the different emotionally:

• Gratitude for a friend might sound like:
  “I’m so thankful I have them in my life. I don’t know what I’d do without them.”
  It often carries a sense of reflection or acknowledgment of their presence, support, or impact over time. It’s a kind of reverent thank-you to life for bringing them into your orbit.
  

• Appreciation of a friend might feel more like:
  “I love the way they light up when they talk about something they care about.”
  “That moment they checked in on me today? It meant so much.”
  It’s a present-tense noticing of who they are and how they show up.
  

Gratitude is the whole painting, after the fact. Appreciation is the brushstroke you’re admiring up close right now in this moment.

So you can feel both at once. Especially with close friendships that have been through thick and thin, or shaped you deeply. You’re thankful for the big picture and moved by the small moments.

If you ever feel like saying something meaningful to a friend, you could try expressing your gratitude and appreciation for them, like so:

“Hey, I’ve been feeling really grateful for you lately… and also appreciating the little things about you that make you you.”

I’m sure that’s a moment they’ll carry for a long time. We all like to feel appreciated, don’t we?

So….now that we’ve parsed out the difference between gratitude and appreciation, and since gratitude seems to get all the limelight in today’s self-improvement/personal growth circles, let’s give appreciation its time to shine on the stage!

What if the small act of appreciation could do more than lift your mood. What if it could change your world?

We tend to think of appreciation as a kind of polite afterthought: a thank-you note, a compliment, a smile at just the right time. Or like when I said to someone on Substack in a Note “Appreciate it” (when they mentioned me in an article). Or when I told someone “appreciate you”.

But real appreciation, when something touches you, isn’t performative, it’s a shift of perspective. It invites us to notice what’s good, which is a kind of magic, isn’t it? And one we could do with more of!

Appreciation isn’t just a feeling—it’s a skill

Appreciation is more than a warm fuzzy. Psychologists link it (and it’s buddy gratitude) with stronger relationships, better health, more resilience in hard times, and even improved sleep. But it doesn’t usually happen on autopilot. Especially not in a world wired for urgency, comparison, and scarcity.

It takes deliberate slowing down and noticing. Sometimes, it takes choosing to linger longer in a moment than you usually would.

Like pausing to appreciate the feel of warm sun on your skin. Or the sound of laughter from another room. Or a line in a poem that hits you right in the heart (my fave: you are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars - Desiderata).

Or maybe it’s way your coffee smells, or a person who held space for you when you needed it most.

These are small things. But when we name them and mark them with appreciation they expand.

Appreciation is noticing beauty while it’s still happening. Gratitude thanks it after the fact.

Appreciation rewires our perception of reality

Here’s the crazy thing: your brain actually changes when you focus on appreciation (and also gratitude). Functional MRI scans show that when people engage in regular gratitude (ahem, leave please gratitude!) or appreciation practices, their brain’s reward centres light up more quickly. Their stress responses decrease (cortisol and adrenaline). Their attention sharpens toward beauty, and also connection.

In other words, what we appreciate, appreciates - get it? It appreciates in value, in importance, in realness.

Like with the G-word, it’s not toxic positivity. It’s not denying things like grief or pretending things aren’t heavy and the world is all unicorns and rainbows when it isn’t. It’s building a kind of emotional muscle memory that lets you hold both: sorrow and sweetness. Heartache and awe.

That’s the paradox of appreciation. It doesn’t cancel out difficulty. It simply gives you something beautiful to hold ontoat the same time. Like our good friend who is now nicely standing in the wings…

Appreciation anchors us in the present

Wonder lives in the moment, and so does appreciation. Gasp Wait a minute…does that mean appreciation is wonder? (insert thinking emoji here).

They’re siblings, really—both asking us to stay just a little longer with what’s lovely. To look closer, feel more deeply. To take a moment to say to yourself, “This matters” before moving on.

You might not be able to fix everything going wrong in the world (see here) or even in your own life—but you can let something good land. And that’s the power of presence, of appreciation. Peace.

A gentle practice to try

Before bed tonight, name three things you appreciated today. Not just what you're “grateful for,” but what you genuinely noticed and felt in your core.

Maybe:

• The way the breeze moved through the trees

• The laugh you shared with someone you love

• The courage it took to do one hard thing

No moment is too small to matter. And its usually the smallest ones that shape us the most, isn’t it?

In a world that moves fast and asks a lot, appreciation is an opportunity to step on the brake pedal. It's how we honour what’s good and stay awake to beauty. And it’s one of the simplest, most profound ways to reconnect with our sense of wonder.

Not because everything’s perfect. But because some things still are just as they are - and that’s what makes them wonderful.

I’d love to know—what did you appreciate today?

And if this letter found you at the right time, feel free to share it with someone else who might need a little wonder today.

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With heartfelt thanks, always.
— Caitlin

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